Wednesday, July 07, 2004
The Bubu idea went down the drain when I found out about tonight's Cha com Bolachas. A small lesbian party that's supposed to be great!
oh how i wanted to go!!
a tried reaching the 3 people who would go with me, but none of them could go. i came up with a great plan, and i started playing it out. i had to tell my mom i was gonna sleep over at a friend's house. but things got complicated and i changed my mind. i couldnt do it. i need more information. i need to feel good about going.
so i came up with a new plan, plan b, a great plan. i'd actually sleep over at a friend's house after the party. it was good and safe. the plan was to tell mom i was going to a party with my friend, Gin, it's a party in which i'd be able to see people from my old school, thats why i wanted to go. (cuz she thinks/knows i'm not a party person). so Gin would pick me up at night and we'd go. (but actually i was gonna get a cab and go, Gin wouldnt go cuz they is no party with people from my old school). I'd go to the lesbian party, have a blast, meet interesting people and stay away from alcohol. No problem. Then, at about 4am, or whenever the party cools down, I'd grab a cab and go to Gin's house. I'd call from the cab and say 'i'm almost there', and she'd get up and quietly open the door for me. I'd go to bed. Her friend from Canada who just got there and her family dont need to know much except that I went to a party and dint want to go back home because I knew my mom would stay up waiting for me. In the morning my driver would pick me up. I love my plan.
but unexpectedly mom walks into my room and hugs me 'ohh Mackie, I'm glad you're not sleeping over at your friend's house tonight. I think i'm feeling a bit lonely, and I didnt wanna be alone'
that is God closing the doors and keeping me safe. do i like it? no. do i hate myself for not liking it? yes!
i'm not 100% i've aborted plan b though. I'm waiting for Gin to call me.
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oh how i wanted to go!!
a tried reaching the 3 people who would go with me, but none of them could go. i came up with a great plan, and i started playing it out. i had to tell my mom i was gonna sleep over at a friend's house. but things got complicated and i changed my mind. i couldnt do it. i need more information. i need to feel good about going.
so i came up with a new plan, plan b, a great plan. i'd actually sleep over at a friend's house after the party. it was good and safe. the plan was to tell mom i was going to a party with my friend, Gin, it's a party in which i'd be able to see people from my old school, thats why i wanted to go. (cuz she thinks/knows i'm not a party person). so Gin would pick me up at night and we'd go. (but actually i was gonna get a cab and go, Gin wouldnt go cuz they is no party with people from my old school). I'd go to the lesbian party, have a blast, meet interesting people and stay away from alcohol. No problem. Then, at about 4am, or whenever the party cools down, I'd grab a cab and go to Gin's house. I'd call from the cab and say 'i'm almost there', and she'd get up and quietly open the door for me. I'd go to bed. Her friend from Canada who just got there and her family dont need to know much except that I went to a party and dint want to go back home because I knew my mom would stay up waiting for me. In the morning my driver would pick me up. I love my plan.
but unexpectedly mom walks into my room and hugs me 'ohh Mackie, I'm glad you're not sleeping over at your friend's house tonight. I think i'm feeling a bit lonely, and I didnt wanna be alone'
that is God closing the doors and keeping me safe. do i like it? no. do i hate myself for not liking it? yes!
i'm not 100% i've aborted plan b though. I'm waiting for Gin to call me.
